Two weekends ago I had to go to one more of my classes for the Georgia School of Ministry. Being completely honest, it was a hard weekend for me. I hadn't really been in the mood to read our text book on Romans or to complete my homework. I didn't want to read over the study guide and get ready for my exam either. Life was very busy for me that week and I just wasn't interested in my class. I got there on Friday night, and honestly right off the bat I determined it would be a hard class. Why you ask? Because our teacher asked us to answer a very controversial question, and he was well, in your face about it as we gave him our answers. (No you don't need to know what the question was.)
One thing you do have to know about me however, is that I do not debate, EVER! I don't watch political debates on TV, and I dislike arguing over things. In other words as my teacher for the evening so eloquently put it..."So for you Gina things are black and white right? No gray areas?". And I guess I would have to answer, yes! Or maybe I could tweak what he said and say this, when it comes to my beliefs it's pretty much black and white, with a few gray stripes. (Which oddly enough is sort of like my daughter's dance costume this season...sorry random thought there.) Getting back on track here. To find myself in a class where the teacher asked hard questions that just ached for a debate came as quite a challenge to me.
My blog is not about the questions asked that weekend, or how I handled them, instead it's about the benefits of hard questions. There are times when we all need to think about how we would answer the hard questions in life. Questions like, "How can a loving God allow natural disasters to happen? He could have prevented it." Yes, I think we all pretty much agree that HE is God and He can stop certain things from happening. Why doesn't He? To be honest I don't have an answer. But I do know this, that even in the midst of a horrific disaster He is there for those who call out to Him. Life isn't easy. Bad things do happen to good people. I should know.
I believed for a long time that God loved me like crazy...and I still do. But in my naivete I believed that His love for me meant He would never allow bad things to happen to me. Then my first love, my husband I planned on spending the rest of my life with died from cancer. I struggled with anger, discouragement and all of the other feelings one has after a loss. Until in the middle of the night several months after Rob died, there in my lonely apartment trying hard to fall asleep once again, I heard the Spirit of the Lord say to me, "Get up and dance before me Gina." I was like yeah right...but I knew in my heart I had to do this. So I did. (I won't tell you the song...well because it was several actually and because...well that's for another blog, after May 11th).
It probably wasn't pretty that evening, my dance, but it did something special in my heart. It started a healing process in my life, a process that reminded me once again just how much He loves me. He loves me enough to share my grief. In those quiet evenings when I listened to His voice and either danced, or worshipped Him, He spoke to me. Through the music, through His word, through my obedience.
Hard questions. We all face them, in our own lives and from others. We need to be challenged with them sometimes, so we can come up with answers better than, Because!
Jesus asked hard questions of his followers. He asked one day, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?"...and just a few minutes later He asked, "But what about you? Who do you say that I am?". Later in His journey to the cross at the garden of Gethsemane He said "if it is possible may this cup be taken from me." He didn't really say it like a question, but I have to pause for just one moment and wonder if that isn't what He meant that evening. Here He is in a garden, surrounded by those who say they love Him and will follow Him and they can't even stay awake while He agonizes over what He knows is coming. He has to be thinking and wondering, isn't there another way? Oh He is willing to go the distance, I mean He says, Not my will but yours. And there in that simple statement is the answer I so often look for.
I looked for it as I watched Rob die. I looked for it after my first miscarriage. My second miscarriage. And my third. I don't know all that God will allow to come into my life, but I do know that His will be done, and that the path He has put me on may be full of twists and turns, bumps and falls, but He...He walks right beside me! Holding me up...filling me with joy and loving me as I journey on to my final destination. And the truth is I want others to join me on this journey. So classes, like the one I just took, that challenge you to search for answers to tough questions are exactly what we in the "church world" need. That weekend as hard questions were being asked I was being challenged to think like the world does, not like the church. We aren't going to reach the world with pert Christian answers. We need to be able to come up with answers that will make them think, make them realize that we have a faith worth looking into. A faith that is more than rules and regulations. A faith that is all about relationship.
In the end I can honestly say that what I thought was going to be the worse class, ended up being the best! No, I still won't become part of a debate team or watch any sort of political debate on TV, but I will study harder to show myself approved, so that one day, when a hard question is asked of me I will be able to honestly answer it, and pray that God will use my words to touch someone's life.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
Once Choice Away
So it was spring break here in the Atlanta, Georgia area, and like so many others we took a trip south to Florida. We love heading back to what most of us consider our "home" state. I say that because three of the four of us were born in the Sunshine state, I was born in Maine. I was looking forward to our trip to the beach. It came on a great day, not too hot at all. However before we could get there, and here's the part I don't really want to admit too, my husband and I had a fight. He said some things, I said some things and to be honest I don't really even remember what it was all about. All I know is that I decided I wasn't going to talk to him. So I didn't. I sat on that beautiful beach, and didn't say a word. I just fumed inside. I thought of all kinds of things I wanted to say, I held onto every grudge I could think of, and well I made myself miserable.
Finally he asked me if I wanted to walk on the beach. At last I thought, here is where he apologizes profusely for being such a jerk and begs my forgiveness. We walked in silence and I fumed even more. I began to think things like, "This is a perfectly romantic thing to do, walking on a beach, and I all I want to do is yell at him and run away!" And, "Wow, I didn't realize he could go this long with out speaking!" (Sorry honey, just had to say that!) As we were nearing the car and our children, he stopped me finally and began to ask what the matter was. Our conversation got pretty heated as we went over the stupid argument we had, but finally we were laughing and joking and yes, making up.
I didn't want to make up before he made me start talking. I wanted to be angry with him for a long time!. I wanted to yell, scream and well, I wanted to just walk away. It was in the car on the way home that I remembered a conversation I had with someone almost 14 years ago now. We were discussing his "fall" back into sin, and the beginning of some extremely tough times for him. He told me then it was just one bad choice he made that created a huge mess. He went on to say, we are all just one choice away from making a bad decision, from taking a plunge into hard times. Isn't it the truth?
I mean I know life is hard, and things happen to make us want to quit. Quit on life, on our marriages, even on our friendships, jobs, you name it! But God has said in His word to Choose Life! It's found in Deuteronomy, yeah I know who really likes reading Deuteronomy? But there it is, Deuteronomy 30:19. "This day I call the heaven and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now Choose Life, so that you and your children may live."
Every day is a choice. A choice to live with God's love and favor, a choice to be happy, to live on, and to fight for what's really important. My friend made a bad choice, but he's learned to forgive himself and to pick up and go on with God. In the past four years I have had three friends choose another path-suicide. It breaks my heart that they came to a place where they just gave up, they didn't choose life. They allowed the cares of this world to wear them down, and discourage them. I wish I could have been there for them. I wish they were something I could have said or done to change their mind, to help them see that there is so much to live for. Yes, we make bad choices and we have consequences we must face but with God-well-all things are possible! He gives us strength to face another day when we feel like giving up. He is our Father, and His plans for us are good ones. We have to put our trust in Him everyday, choosing this life He has blessed us with and knowing in our hearts that He holds our hands as we walk the path He has placed us on.
That day on the beach I could have chosen to stay angry with my husband for a very long time. I could have allowed bitterness to creep into my heart, and not forgiven him for words that were said and if I had, it would have been the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. So I encourage you with this, be careful when you make a decision-your choices determine your destiny. If we are not careful, or if we make a choice in anger we could be just one choice away from making the biggest mistake of our life.
Finally he asked me if I wanted to walk on the beach. At last I thought, here is where he apologizes profusely for being such a jerk and begs my forgiveness. We walked in silence and I fumed even more. I began to think things like, "This is a perfectly romantic thing to do, walking on a beach, and I all I want to do is yell at him and run away!" And, "Wow, I didn't realize he could go this long with out speaking!" (Sorry honey, just had to say that!) As we were nearing the car and our children, he stopped me finally and began to ask what the matter was. Our conversation got pretty heated as we went over the stupid argument we had, but finally we were laughing and joking and yes, making up.
I didn't want to make up before he made me start talking. I wanted to be angry with him for a long time!. I wanted to yell, scream and well, I wanted to just walk away. It was in the car on the way home that I remembered a conversation I had with someone almost 14 years ago now. We were discussing his "fall" back into sin, and the beginning of some extremely tough times for him. He told me then it was just one bad choice he made that created a huge mess. He went on to say, we are all just one choice away from making a bad decision, from taking a plunge into hard times. Isn't it the truth?
I mean I know life is hard, and things happen to make us want to quit. Quit on life, on our marriages, even on our friendships, jobs, you name it! But God has said in His word to Choose Life! It's found in Deuteronomy, yeah I know who really likes reading Deuteronomy? But there it is, Deuteronomy 30:19. "This day I call the heaven and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now Choose Life, so that you and your children may live."
Every day is a choice. A choice to live with God's love and favor, a choice to be happy, to live on, and to fight for what's really important. My friend made a bad choice, but he's learned to forgive himself and to pick up and go on with God. In the past four years I have had three friends choose another path-suicide. It breaks my heart that they came to a place where they just gave up, they didn't choose life. They allowed the cares of this world to wear them down, and discourage them. I wish I could have been there for them. I wish they were something I could have said or done to change their mind, to help them see that there is so much to live for. Yes, we make bad choices and we have consequences we must face but with God-well-all things are possible! He gives us strength to face another day when we feel like giving up. He is our Father, and His plans for us are good ones. We have to put our trust in Him everyday, choosing this life He has blessed us with and knowing in our hearts that He holds our hands as we walk the path He has placed us on.
That day on the beach I could have chosen to stay angry with my husband for a very long time. I could have allowed bitterness to creep into my heart, and not forgiven him for words that were said and if I had, it would have been the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. So I encourage you with this, be careful when you make a decision-your choices determine your destiny. If we are not careful, or if we make a choice in anger we could be just one choice away from making the biggest mistake of our life.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Little Things
I remember a song that a wonderful woman of God used to sing at our church while I was growing up, "Consider the Lilies". (If you get a chance go onto YouTube and find the following link! Sit back and enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIx_0nTkmcE ) My favorite line in the whole song, and it isn't a very long song is this, "But He's not to busy to care about you!" What an amazing thought...the God of the universe isn't too busy for me. Kind of encouraging to think about isn't it? He cares about the big things in our lives...and more importantly He cares about the small things too. How do I know? I just do.
This past week was my birthday. It ended up being a celebration that lasted more than just the 26th of March, and oddly enough I was okay with that. A dear lady from our church called me just before I left work the day before my birthday. She asked for just a few minutes before I left. I had no clue what she wanted but I met her at the door to the church. In her hands were the most beautiful coral roses, a birthday card and a gift bag. Her words were, "I just want to celebrate you this day before your birthday!" I was touched, and tears came to my eyes as I remembered a day oh so many years ago that often I forget, but a day that helped me realize that God cares about even the little things that matter to me.
You see after my first husband died I had to get on with my life. I moved back to Florida, and lived in an apartment for a while until God through the help of my best friend's mother, brought me a wonderful home that had been taken back by the bank. It needed a little cosmetic work, and the siding of the house was damaged, and the garden was kind of bad, but it was my first home and I loved it! (Still do...I miss that house on Blue Whale Way!) I had been in the house for a few weeks when outside of my bedroom window in what little garden there was, I saw a small rose bush that had just started to bloom. In that quiet moment I prayed a simple prayer, "God, you know I love roses, and well I really wish that this rose bush would be those coral colored roses that I love so much!" I forgot that prayer for a few days...but God didn't. You see I woke up one morning, looked out my window and there it was...the first bloom of that wonderful little rose bush, and yes, it was coral!
Oh some of you reading this may say, it was just a coincedence, but I don't think it was. Why? Because there have too many instances in my life where "small things" have happened to encourage me, to bring a smile to my face, and I choose to believe that these things come from God! He cares about you because you are His child, and what matters to you matters to Him, no matter how small. I challenge you after you've read this to go to Bible Gateway or pull The Message Bible off of your shelf and look up Matthew 6:19-34. But until you get that minute...here's what I really want you to hear, "If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers-most of which are never even seen-don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?" (Verse 30)
God cares about the little things in your life! He really does! He will do His best for you, and yes, that includes coral roses!
This past week was my birthday. It ended up being a celebration that lasted more than just the 26th of March, and oddly enough I was okay with that. A dear lady from our church called me just before I left work the day before my birthday. She asked for just a few minutes before I left. I had no clue what she wanted but I met her at the door to the church. In her hands were the most beautiful coral roses, a birthday card and a gift bag. Her words were, "I just want to celebrate you this day before your birthday!" I was touched, and tears came to my eyes as I remembered a day oh so many years ago that often I forget, but a day that helped me realize that God cares about even the little things that matter to me.
You see after my first husband died I had to get on with my life. I moved back to Florida, and lived in an apartment for a while until God through the help of my best friend's mother, brought me a wonderful home that had been taken back by the bank. It needed a little cosmetic work, and the siding of the house was damaged, and the garden was kind of bad, but it was my first home and I loved it! (Still do...I miss that house on Blue Whale Way!) I had been in the house for a few weeks when outside of my bedroom window in what little garden there was, I saw a small rose bush that had just started to bloom. In that quiet moment I prayed a simple prayer, "God, you know I love roses, and well I really wish that this rose bush would be those coral colored roses that I love so much!" I forgot that prayer for a few days...but God didn't. You see I woke up one morning, looked out my window and there it was...the first bloom of that wonderful little rose bush, and yes, it was coral!
Oh some of you reading this may say, it was just a coincedence, but I don't think it was. Why? Because there have too many instances in my life where "small things" have happened to encourage me, to bring a smile to my face, and I choose to believe that these things come from God! He cares about you because you are His child, and what matters to you matters to Him, no matter how small. I challenge you after you've read this to go to Bible Gateway or pull The Message Bible off of your shelf and look up Matthew 6:19-34. But until you get that minute...here's what I really want you to hear, "If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers-most of which are never even seen-don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?" (Verse 30)
God cares about the little things in your life! He really does! He will do His best for you, and yes, that includes coral roses!
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